This Kid Just Peaked at Nine

OK, this goal pretty much rules:



There are a thousand things to like about this, not the least of which is how awesome the goal itself really was.

1. That really is one awesome goal. So awesome, in fact, that I sort of worry that this kid may have peaked in Pee Wee Hockey. I don't want him angrily watching this video over and over when he's 40, eating a Hungry Man dinner while getting ready to go to work at the town dump, and then re-telling the tale to the guy at the dump who doesn't even speak English and is still sick of the story. Just saying: Get cracking on that homework, kid.
2. The woman who shrieks at the end of the goal. It's a weird combination of Hockey Mom and Woo Girl. It's hard to say she was too excited, since this was such a spectacular goal, but I hope that she's just as amped up when the kid comes home with a B+. He'll need all the help he can get to make sure this wasn't life's high point for him.
3. The goalie's reaction, which was to do nothing during the skater's whirling dervish routine, look back in astonishment at the puck in the net, look at the referee to demand that he rule the play illegal, because, c'mon, who does that, and then to throw his hands up in the universal "WTF?" gesture. He's waking up this morning only to find out that his failure is the newest Internet viral video. He will be mocked mercilessly by his friends today, and he will testily reply by making up a rule that invalidates the goal. He's not allowed to carry the puck like that! Even if he becomes the biggest banker in Maine, he'll still feel the sting every time he goes to the town dump and sees the Hero of the Portland Junior Pirates there, because he knows the dude will find a way to mention the goal. Again. The only way this becomes worse for the goalie is if the Woo Girl is actually his mother.

The Dream Shall Never Die

Shatner Does Palin

She may be a quitter, but she's America's pre-eminent Surrealist poet:

Fund Our Zoo or We'll Shoot this Giraffe!

The Franklin Park Zoo says it will have to close if it Governor Patrick doesn't reverse the budget cuts to the facility. Not only will it have to close, they say, but they will have to kill the animals in the zoo to do so.

This has to be an empty threat. There's no way they shoot the animals in some odd public execution. Maybe they are angling to get more private donations in, or a partial restoration of state funds. Quick math tells me that they could also raise ticket prices by $7-$10 to cover the losses (you have to figure lower attendance when you raise the fees, which is why I put a spread in there.

Where would they get such an idea to try and scare the public to raise state funds? Two places. The MBTA. And the movie Fierce Creatures:

All the News That's Fit To Tune

As always, I am the last to an Internet meme party, but I had to share Auto-Tune the News:



Just read about it in Slate, which means the meme is just about dead, but whatever, it's hilarious. Absolutely brilliant.

Follow my Jeopardy! tryout trip on Twitter

OK, all, I am about to leave for my Jeopardy! tryout in New York. Wish me luck.

I will try to tweet the trip, so stay tuned to my twitter feed for any breaking news.

EXCLUSIVE: Hidden Camera Footage of Mark Sanford

Here is what can only be hidden footage of Mark Sanford and a reporter from The State as he returned from his break-up trip to Argentina:

More Evidence That Obama's a Badass

This video:



...proves that President Obama trained under Mr. Miyagi:

Where I've been

I was trapped by marauding caterpillars:

OK, that's not me. That's some car in Germany.

Egad, it's been a long time. Sorry for the yawning gap between posts. I have been absolutely crushed at work, and hen spending most nights studying for the Jeopardy audition. Poor excuses, I know, so I will try to pick up the pace again.

Hooray for me: I'm One Step Closer to Losing on Jeopardy!

I got an e-mail last night from Jeopardy! and they want me to come to a follow-up audition!

This was my third year taking the online exam. I knew that I spit the bit both times the first two years, but I was very confident this time around.

The follow-up in in New York next month. Wish me luck! I don't care if I blow the game as bad as Cliff did, it's thrilling just to go through the process.

RIP Dom DeLuise

He was the first comedian I ever noticed and laughed at as a kid. His winking style of slapstick worked on so many levels. Rest in peace, big guy.

Where Will Lycanthropy Happen This Year?

This had to be from a a Bill Simmons fan. Brilliant.

(h/t: My buddy Jason)

Olympia Snowe, you're next

Slate has a really interesting take on why Olympia Snowe should follow Arlen Specter's lead and jump to the Democratic party. Using a social-Web-style cluster map where Senators are connected if they vote together 65% of the time, it's clear she's pretty much a Democrat already:

Slate didn't add an embed code to this animated map (which is really annoying because they're usually more Web-friendly, being a Web-only magazine and all) so I took a screen capture while mousing over Snowe's dot. As you can see, she's tied to far more Democrats than Republicans already. She's the mirror image of Ben Nelson, the center-right Democrat from Nebraska.

Hell, by this measure, Susan Collins (the the left and slightly below Snowe's dot) is the only true independent left in the Senate. Specter was far more right-leaning than her, but made the jump because of political circumstance. But if you think back to the amount of shit Specter, Snowe and Collins took for supporting the stimulus bill, you can see why they are gravitating away from the Republican Party. This was all only a matter of time.

TPM's "Day in 100 Seconds" video gives you a good look at the reaction from both sides. Please note the Fiddling While Rome is Burning attitude of Michael Steele, who is RNC chair, and thus, in charge of making sure his party grows its electoral clout, not piss it away:

Fun Fact Monday: The Milky Way Tastes Like Raspberries

God love the scientists who figured this one out.

(h/t to Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me for bringing this up during his week's show)

Scream F--k If You Love America!

Shep Smith goes ballistic listening to some yahoo try to defend torture as an effective means for the CIA:



Don't "Oops" yourself, Shep. It's good to finally see someone show that level of disgust about the CIA's torturing suspects. It should make everyone furious. I sometimes think Shepard needs to be rescued from Fox News, but I'm glad he's there to every once in a while blurt out some truth on the air.

(h/t: Ta-Nehisi Coates)

Muppets 11

(h/t: /film)

Is This a Slugger Which I See Before Me?

(h/t: my pal Jascha)

UPDATE: As it is Patriot's Day, I would be remiss to have a baseball post and not include the greatest Patriot's Day video clip of all time, The "Here Comes a Pizza!" incident of 2007:

Let's Save the Globe!

Dan Kennedy has consistently has some of the most cogent, thoughtful ideas about how to find a new model for newspapers to survive in the Internet age. I strongly recommend anyone interested in the topic go back and read his different pieces on the topic. Hopefully, he'll take my advice and put together an eBook about it.

In his latest post, he advocated the Boston Globe give away Amazon Kindles in return for a three-year subscription, and then stop producing a paper version altogether. I think it's a great, forward-looking premise, but there are some details that maybe should change to make sure this is a working model for the future.
I wrote on his blog:

1. The Kindle is crippled with Amazon's DRM. And the company seems willing to mess with your Kindle if it whenever it wants. The Globe should be careful not to make an exclusivity deal with Amazon, or

2. Skip the Kindle altogether and wait for Plastic Logic's device to come out. It looks to be far superior a device to the Kindle, has a bigger screen and, most importantly, is open source. I think newspaper readers would really prefer the screen real estate Plastic Logic is promising.

Open Source really is key here, because it guarantee's the Globe's content is not a slave to Amazon's device or its business practices. Plus, PL says a second generation device will be foldable, making it even more portable.

3. Consider a paid iPhone app that offers better readability and multi-touch tools than the online version. The idea is to charge for added portability and convenience, so why not try this across several platforms? Palm's coming out with an iPhone competitor, too, so make an app for that. And for Google's Android mobile OS, etc.

In short, what you'd be charging for is not the content, but the enhanced access to that content, and charging advertisers for access to subscribers willing to pay money for what they want. That mirrors the old system of paying for newspapers where consumers paid for subscriptions for access to the content, and advertisers bought ad space for access to those consumers.

I have other ideas for how papers in general (and the Globe in particular) can try to enhance revenue as they transition to a digital-only existence:

1. Grow the social aspects of your sites. Boston.com's new commenting system allows users to create profiles, add avatars, and track other people's comments, show a history of their commetns, and more. This is a great idea. If you create a social web and foster a community on your pages, people will return to boston.com for their news, instead of relying on RSS feeds and Google news. It gives readers a compelling reason to return and view more pages (and thus, view more ads). It also gives you a chance to more directly target ads to users, which should generate more revenue and a higher asking proce for those ads.

2. Get comfortable linking elsewhere, and being linked from elsewhere. Now that you've created a social element to boston.com, make it compatible with facebook, myspace and other social Web sites. I can't tell you how many people link to news stories on their Facebook accounts: Allow users to link what they comment to their facebook account, and make it possible to do so in a single step. Same thing for friendfeed, myspace, digg, reddit, and anything else you can think of.

3. Promote Web specials like blog posts, videos and the like with the same prominence as your news articles. The Globe has hidden away some great features like Globe 10.0 and Take 2 in the bowels of sub pages for sections of the paper. Boston.com should have a videos, articles, blog posts and a twitter feed on the front page. The videos create drawing power and interest. The articles provide authoritative news. The blogs provide up to date opinion and developing news. The tweets provide up-to-the-moment updates. NECN.com is a good example of how this might look.

4. Find ways to sell premiums: Your content should be free online, but that doesn't mean it can't make revenue for you in other ways. Make yearbooks for the sports teams, which can include all your coverage for that year. Pitch them to customers as a yearly purchase for their kids as they grow up into big Sox fans. Do the same for election coverage, major issues (like Big Dig coverage), etc. Host live events with your reporters, columnists and staff. Each year, This American Life sells tickets for a live broadcast of their show. I and thousands of others across the country pay $20 to listen to something I get for free every week via podcast and on the radio.

If you enhance your Web site, you can charge more for advertising there. If you create premium access points via eReaders, Mobile phone platforms and the like, you create a new subscriber base. Piecing these things together puts you where your readers now go and makes you relevant again. Don't be afraid to fail, and don't ever, EVER eschew new technology as a fad again.

And Jumpsuits For All

Other headlines I considered for this post:
Creeping Debt
Master of Pantsuits
Enter Sandals Man
Fade to Is the New Black

Leopard-print Messiah

(h/t: My friends Danielle and Ty, who found it as a twitpic, but the original has disappeared)

"It was definitely a piece of work"

It has to be a joke, right? If it's not, then the model (Divine Dutchess, in what will surely be her breakthrough role as "Skank pressed against the Hancock Tower") delivers one of the all-time great non-compliments at the 2:44 mark. 

(h/t Unlikely Words, via Universal Hub)