Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Walking on Ice: A Boston Globe Investigation

Thank God for the Boston Globe. If it weren't for the newspaper, I, a native-born new Englander, would have no idea how to walk around in the winter.

Remember, kids: Ice can be what physicists call "slippery." When you encounter this slippery surface, you can't run over like you're trying to steal second base! Silly person! Why would you try to do that?

Instead, you must befriend a three-foot tall penguin. He will guide you through the treacherous passes of black ice like a Sherpa guide leading climbers up Everest. It's all depicted in this Globe graphic, which was helpfully added to the incredibly important Page 1 news story:

I suspect you could find a web-footed Tenzing Norgay somewhere in the New England Aquarium but they, you know, frown on people waltzing in and making better offers to their star attractions. Best to do this at night. Leave a salary proposal tucked into the mouth of a Perch and pray to God the penguin reads the note before it gets hungry. Otherwise, stay inside until the ice thaws and the Globe tells you what to do when the big yellow fireball in the sky makes the ice go away.

If only the Aquarium still ran it's penguin-walking bootcamp from back in our youth:


Jives said...

Do you think the writer realized the "walk like a penguin" connection?

Berto said...

Ha, I'm not so sure they made that connection, since the source is a Canadian Safety Council. I will say this: Posting that clip gave me mad flashbacks to watching GI Joe after school in like 1985.

You work at the aquarium, right, Jives? If so, let me ask you this: The name of the penguin program is "Walk Like a Penguin." Was that a play on the old ad or just a coincidence?

Mary said...

Berto, I'm actually glad you posted that, cuz I never read the Globe. Now, if you please, how about some of your political commentary?

Jay said...

Holy crap, that article may be the dumbest thing ever. I can't wait for part 2: "Falling on Your Ass." Call up the Pulitzer committee!

Gienna said...

I have to stand up for that article. The plow guy blew us off two storms in a row and so my driveway was completely covered in ice. I feel on my ass twice--and one of the times I dropped a rotisserie chicken and the dog nearly mauled me trying to get at it. Ever since I saw that article, I've been walking like a penguin. Haven't fallen on my ass once since then. Well, OK, once. But it didn't have anything to do with the ice.