This Kid Just Peaked at Nine

OK, this goal pretty much rules:



There are a thousand things to like about this, not the least of which is how awesome the goal itself really was.

1. That really is one awesome goal. So awesome, in fact, that I sort of worry that this kid may have peaked in Pee Wee Hockey. I don't want him angrily watching this video over and over when he's 40, eating a Hungry Man dinner while getting ready to go to work at the town dump, and then re-telling the tale to the guy at the dump who doesn't even speak English and is still sick of the story. Just saying: Get cracking on that homework, kid.
2. The woman who shrieks at the end of the goal. It's a weird combination of Hockey Mom and Woo Girl. It's hard to say she was too excited, since this was such a spectacular goal, but I hope that she's just as amped up when the kid comes home with a B+. He'll need all the help he can get to make sure this wasn't life's high point for him.
3. The goalie's reaction, which was to do nothing during the skater's whirling dervish routine, look back in astonishment at the puck in the net, look at the referee to demand that he rule the play illegal, because, c'mon, who does that, and then to throw his hands up in the universal "WTF?" gesture. He's waking up this morning only to find out that his failure is the newest Internet viral video. He will be mocked mercilessly by his friends today, and he will testily reply by making up a rule that invalidates the goal. He's not allowed to carry the puck like that! Even if he becomes the biggest banker in Maine, he'll still feel the sting every time he goes to the town dump and sees the Hero of the Portland Junior Pirates there, because he knows the dude will find a way to mention the goal. Again. The only way this becomes worse for the goalie is if the Woo Girl is actually his mother.

The Dream Shall Never Die

Shatner Does Palin

She may be a quitter, but she's America's pre-eminent Surrealist poet:

Fund Our Zoo or We'll Shoot this Giraffe!

The Franklin Park Zoo says it will have to close if it Governor Patrick doesn't reverse the budget cuts to the facility. Not only will it have to close, they say, but they will have to kill the animals in the zoo to do so.

This has to be an empty threat. There's no way they shoot the animals in some odd public execution. Maybe they are angling to get more private donations in, or a partial restoration of state funds. Quick math tells me that they could also raise ticket prices by $7-$10 to cover the losses (you have to figure lower attendance when you raise the fees, which is why I put a spread in there.

Where would they get such an idea to try and scare the public to raise state funds? Two places. The MBTA. And the movie Fierce Creatures:

All the News That's Fit To Tune

As always, I am the last to an Internet meme party, but I had to share Auto-Tune the News:



Just read about it in Slate, which means the meme is just about dead, but whatever, it's hilarious. Absolutely brilliant.

Follow my Jeopardy! tryout trip on Twitter

OK, all, I am about to leave for my Jeopardy! tryout in New York. Wish me luck.

I will try to tweet the trip, so stay tuned to my twitter feed for any breaking news.

EXCLUSIVE: Hidden Camera Footage of Mark Sanford

Here is what can only be hidden footage of Mark Sanford and a reporter from The State as he returned from his break-up trip to Argentina:

More Evidence That Obama's a Badass

This video:



...proves that President Obama trained under Mr. Miyagi:

Where I've been

I was trapped by marauding caterpillars:

OK, that's not me. That's some car in Germany.

Egad, it's been a long time. Sorry for the yawning gap between posts. I have been absolutely crushed at work, and hen spending most nights studying for the Jeopardy audition. Poor excuses, I know, so I will try to pick up the pace again.

Hooray for me: I'm One Step Closer to Losing on Jeopardy!

I got an e-mail last night from Jeopardy! and they want me to come to a follow-up audition!

This was my third year taking the online exam. I knew that I spit the bit both times the first two years, but I was very confident this time around.

The follow-up in in New York next month. Wish me luck! I don't care if I blow the game as bad as Cliff did, it's thrilling just to go through the process.

RIP Dom DeLuise

He was the first comedian I ever noticed and laughed at as a kid. His winking style of slapstick worked on so many levels. Rest in peace, big guy.